My story of physical deformity and body image with scoliosis
When I was 11 years old, I was diagnosed with Scoliosis. I had no pain and no idea there was anything wrong, but I had a severe curvature of the spine that required immediate surgical intervention. My spine was fused using bone from my hip and a long steel rod was inserted to hold the spine whilst the fusion set. I woke up in excruciating pain that I had never felt before. My life had been interrupted. I re-learnt to walk after several months in a hospital bed and after a full year off school to recover, I returned to classes and was bullied mercilessly for being a ‘hunchback’. My body image was trashed.
When I was 16 my spine rotated around, moving my right rib cage further to the back, increasing the hump on my back. This time I changed schools following more major surgery to wire my ribs to the rod. I had a better experience but felt like an outsider joining a new school where friendship groups were already cemented.
It wasn’t until I found Trauma Informed Yoga that I realised that my childhood experience counted as ‘trauma’ and that I still carried energetic and physical scars from childhood deep within my mind and the fascia of my body. I didn’t accept my body and I punished it and expected it to be perfect, but in my mind it wasn’t and never could be (I now know it has always been perfect!)
I have practised yoga on and off from being 18 years old. This I credit with maintaining the health and flexibility of my spine. It also helped me to keep my sanity, stay strong, accept adversity and build resilience. I practised Ashtanga and Vinyasa yoga and for years it was a physical practice with some accidental mental benefits. Learning the art and science of Trauma Informed and Biomedical yoga has helped me to take a more informed approach, one that mixes eastern and western teachings about energy, compassion, movement, fascia, neuroplasticity and more – I am still working on releasing old patterns from my body, but, through yoga, I have worked to build new neural connections and have finally freed myself from the stored feelings of self-doubt and body loathing.
I see so much on scoliosis forums – people in so much pain and anxiety that they struggle to work, perform housework etc. I want to share yoga to help people regain the freedom and joy of their bodies. To reconnect with and forgive their bodies, to re-set their nervous systems and love themselves on the journey towards being free from pain and limitation.
